rambling

I have too much to say and too little people to say them to.

from now on

from now on, this is who I am.

captive

i am a willing captive.

drafts

some days i look back on my drafts,twenty-six of them messily piled,all untitled,contents swirling around me in nostalgic confusionbefore settling down in the middle of a stormteenage angst bleeding through the pagesof half-written manuscripts and abandoned poems,saved until a later datebut never finished i was looking at my drafts today. oof, i remember exactly what

abyss

lost in this forever abyss, i have forgotten the sun.

stresses

forever lasting stresseschilling me to the bonetill my fingers are numband face is blue,the pages that pile upthey say for my gainmake my breaths chokemy throat seizesat the red letter marksdefining my gradesrhythmic stampsof classes passed and checkedthe failure of failingis too hightill my hair is clawed outbloody tear tracks down my eyesand sleepless nightswith

fractured

you took my pride away,grabbed my heart and shattered it,now i’m sitting at the curb with my luggage,my glass heart beneath my feet,broken,waiting for the next taxifrom this desolate and burning town.

Christmas Heartbreak

chilly frost on window pane,window pain burning my fingers,icicles dripping from broken-starry eyesfreezing on the pane –the pain like acid on Christmas spiritpouring gasoline and dropping a lit matchon our – my – Christmas treetill the presents are nothing but ashesfloating in the bright blue lightand my heart glass shardsstomped underneath your footbeneath the glistening

chosen chains

i chose my livingshackled myself in expectations. now i am drowning,paying the price,and waiting for someone to save me. or waiting for the day that i save myself.

the last time

i made your hospital bed the last time today,mum,where you used to lay,your pale face waxen against white sheets,as you wondered who i was. i removed the flowers from your bed the last time today,mum,where you used to smell them when you were welland smiled at them when you weren’t. i walked out your hospital