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Author Rambles

going through all my old posts today to assign them to new categories etc. after changing up some formatting on my blog.

Real-time commentary as I was going through my posts (starting from like September 2020) and then typing on this page my thoughts.

  • How do I know what getting a tattoo feels like? I’ve never gotten one, and can’t get one.
  • Ha… I was listening to Lauv at the time… that’s why (“Tattoos Together”)
  • “the digital age”… why did I write typable keys lol? (Also inspired by another Lauv song… guess I was being obsessed with Lauv and it translated into my writing)
  • “We are Living in a Dystopian Novel”… why did I write that? I like it, but what was I doing at the time that warranted such a horrible outlook on California?
  • I wonder if the posts I didn’t dedicate to a specific page on the blog will disappear into a dark abyss? Or do they appear somewhere? Because those lifestyle articles (which, now, looking back on it, were kind of silly) have no designation in my new categories (haiku, free-verse, rhyme)
  • “wasting away” – I was definitely listening to Ed Sheeran’s “The A-Team” at the time.
  • I just realized all those cool formatting I was doing (the spaces and the extra lines) was not showing up on the actual posts… like I have the word “falling” repeated three time in three separate lines looking like a staircase in my drafts, but, then, once the post is published, it’s not a staircase anymore but just the word “falling” stacked on top of each other.
  • “one small breath, light on my fingertips” – definitely was listening to Ed Sheeran’s “Small Bump”… I guess I went on an Ed Sheeran obsession last year.
  • Ugh… “smoky clouds” has so many cool spaces and formatting in the draft, but, when published, all of that was cleared. So annoyed.
  • Why was I writing about a rag doll named Ann?
  • Considering that a car crash poem came after the poem about the rag doll, maybe I was watching (or rewatching?) the Buzzfeed Unsolved episode about Annabelle.
  • I’m only on September 15, 2020… crying
  • Wow, when I was at home doing school, I had a lot of imagination and energy… now, I’m tired all the time and can only think of haikus… Must listen to more music and stuff to get inspiration… and read books (currently reading Jane Eyre)
  • “became the savior of the lungs”… HAHAHAHA don’t make me laugh, past Jess
  • Manifesting college acceptances please
  • Omg, I just realized the posts are going from September 15, 2020 to September 1, 2020, not from the 15th to the 30th
  • “Female Warrior” – definitely thinking about the Throne of Glass series… I recommend 100%.
  • Samhain has also seemed very romantic to me.
  • “Gone” – even I was surprised by the ending when reading it again. I shouldn’t even be surprised because I’m the one who wrote it. Oops.
  • Almost certain no one is going to read until here, but I will continue commenting.
  • I like breaking people up. And I’ve never dated before. Maybe that’s why.
  • If you’re a Shawol, nice to meet you, friend. But I’m not an Army because that fanbase seems to be really toxic… though I do like BTS.
  • But I don’t tell my sister or family that I like those singers bc I don’t want my sister to copy me (sometimes, I am selfish, though I do know “copying” is a form of respect) and bc my father is… himself.
  • “uncertainty” – it’s ok, past self. I think the same way still.
  • I’m constantly mourning something in my poems, but I have no idea who or what I’m mourning for. Maybe I’m stepping into someone’s shoes, and my poems are not Freudian slips.
  • “jewel-toned fingers” – I like what I wrote, and I mourn the ocean.
  • Loving how the number of haikus is increasing slowly.
  • “Our Last Stand” – Neil, Sunny, and June… I don’t know who you are, but I’m sorry.
  • “a future dictated” – I am now a singer.
  • “to save myself” – definitely still listening to Ed Sheeran.
  • I need to write more free verse.
  • I apparently prefer writing in the male perspective. I’ve already come across so many posts in the male perspective. Not that I’m complaining but I didn’t notice until now haha.
  • “new dawn” – why the heck am I so excited for December?
  • Wow… I have a wild imagination. HAHA, you won’t know what post this commentary is for and I’m not going to tell you either.
  • “love yourself” – yup, definitely in the obsessed-with-the-script-phase
  • “trying” – was listening to Taylor Swift that day… I think one of her new albums came out that day…
  • I need to start writing in italics again.
  • “living loudly” – YES, YES, YES…
  • “dark influence” – most likely bc of Chicago P.D.‘s Hailey Upton? or reading HP fanfics.
  • So tired.
  • “home in your arms” – inspired by Ed Sheeran’s “Supermarket Flowers”
  • “faded” – oof that is depressing
  • “i raise my glass” – Hamilton inspired… puh-lease
  • I apparently like writing about love a lot. Um… hmm… As someone who falls somewhere on the aroace spectrum, I totally approve. But I should make it more angst-ridden.
  • “introverted” – my commentary sounds so stupid. I know that the term “ambivert” is correct. Why am I pretending I don’t know? And this commentary makes me sound like I’m mad at something, so maybe I was at the time, but now I’m just confused and it looks childish.
  • I find a lot of my old posts wayyyy too idealistic.
  • “leaving” – Who are Sarah, James, Kate, and Jong?
  • “ethereal” – definitely inspired by Sheeran’s “afterglow”
  • WAHHHH So tired
  • “porcelian mask” – definitely one of my favorites that I have written, even though it was rejected from something I applied it for hehe; my good mood is fading away, kind of.
  • “last breath” (written December 20, 2020) – did I forecast Mark Tuan’s song unconsciously?
  • OMGOMGOMG just read “mismatched comedy” and I have no idea what I wrote.
  • I love this time of day – when the sky is super dark but it’s not pitch dark… it probably explains why my favorite time of day is blue hour. If you’ve read to this far, please let me know what your favorite time of day is.
  • “beautiful” – definitely was listening to the Script
  • It seems in this time period I was alternating between the Script and Sheeran.
  • I don’t like singers who write exclusively about love (or about love too much) but reading all my past poems centering mostly on love… I feel like a hypocrite. I will try my best to do better in the future.
  • You know that feeling where you feel happy and sad at the same time? Melancholy? (my fave word)… Yeah, that’s me.
  • What the heck is “pain and panic” about?
  • Ack, watching sad videos to songs where someone passed away and their voice just echoing where the live should have been ——– I came this close to crying. And that’s it for today.

I’ll be back tomorrow with more of this rambling because it is cathartic for me. I sign off at the end of December 2020. See you tomorrow.


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