love through insecurities

these old insecurities get in my head,
sometimes, under a rainbow,
i see flickering shadows,
and i shrink away from your touches
and lock myself in my room.

you say that i am your whole universe,
your personal sun,
the person you go first to at the end of a long day,
your only love.

to me, you are my everything,
i love you with a passion that threatens to consume me
a fire that threatens to burn my soul.

and when you ask if i’m fine,
i tell you nothing is wrong.

but, sometimes, i see criminals lurking in every corner,
and i feel cornered by your hugs and their smiles
eyes blown wide, i forget the sunlight in the sky
and the rainbow in your eyes,
and let myself be consumed by shadows of jealousy.

but you still hold me through those times,
break down my walls,
cradle my tears like precious pearls,
(and i know that others would stalk away
(my delusions consume their lives)
roll their eyes, get offended, laugh at my doubts)
but you stay by my side, through rough seas and storms,
and remind me that you love me.

and i find myself believing in that,
day after day.

listened to “hey stupid, i love you” by jp saxe while writing this

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