the angelic mad queen

call me a failure
with your pitiful voices,
bitter faces,
don’t forget to mention all my mistakes –
the incident back in sixth and seventh,
break down all my intercepted ambitions,
laugh at the tears sliding down my face –
deep voice of dogmatic lies,
point out my broken fingers –
ripped-up papers screwed-up hatred
messed-up judgements thrown-up
and down, a roller-coaster with no end,
a life not worth living –

just remember when you lie in white rooms
surrounded by white curtains and no light
that no one will stand by your side
and follow you down into the depths of hell
or lift you up from the despair that wells
in trembling eyes before unlocking never-ending anger from a cell

and i’ll be smiling at you from up above,
the gentle angel who you will have to beg safety from
mixed with insults and apologies (all of which are false),
and in my merciful forgiveness,
i’ll give you peace.