New Beginnings

No matter how hard the past is, you can always begin again.

Buddha

I have done some bad things in the past.

They don’t seem that significant, but in those days, they did. I spent hours agonizing over then, and, every now and then, the impact of what I did still hits me in the stomach, knocking my breath out in a whirlwind of pain and regret.

I remember when I was little, I wanted to have the power to go back and change the past.

Because if I could change the past, then I would erase all my mistakes, and I’d be a different person, not racked by guilt, not racked by worry, not racked by insecurity.

But, in the words of the great Buddha, “No matter how hard the past is, you can always begin again.”

So, I reinvented myself in junior high. I was someone who was pretty shy, but packed a punch when someone messed with me.

And then I reinvented myself in high school, especially sophomore year. I became someone who began to talk more, reach out to other people, and find opportunities and throw myself recklessly into those opportunities.

I started anew with each grade. And I still am not pleased with who I am.

There are others who are more beautiful, happier, smarter, luckier… those who are leaders out there. Which I am not.

So, every year, I begin again.

I shed my old skin, reinvent myself, give myself new goals, and begin again.

I look through life with different lenses every year. This year has been through purple tinted lenses. Purple. The color of royalty. But, in my mind, a color which represents ambition.

It’s up to me how to define who I will be next year. Perhaps still purple. I enjoy the color. And I don’t think I need to reinvent myself for it.

Maybe, I can finally stop running.

It’s hard to make mistakes. It’s even harder to move on.

But, in the end, you can create a new beginning for yourself everyday.

Beginnings in which you carry the knowledge that you learned from your mistakes and where you carry yourself confidently.

Lots of love, and make mistakes,

Jess

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